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Author Archives: Phd But ADHD
Sail
I CAN’T KEEP ME MOUTH SHUT
Well I did say a bit pish about winding up this blog and starting something different. But I changed my mind ! Because you don’t change what’s working do you? Well it might not be working for you, and I take full responsibility for that, despite that I don’t give a damn. I mean I DO give a damn about my readers, but I don’t care for worrying about weather or not my stories are in a state you can follow. I just hope that some stuff makes sense ! And in the least you make some kind of judgement about what I write about….either way….good or bad…
Anyway the reason for the enthusiasm is because I can not stand for injustice. it’s always a disgusting disgrace…. I think it was the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr who said something like, “An injustice somewhere, is a threat to justice elsewhere…” I’ve always believed that if you witness an injustice, or you hear of an injustice, whether you like it or not, your responsible to do or not to do something about it !
And so what makes it more disgraceful, is when you hear of injustice towards a child. And even worse that a chid suffers at the hands of incompetent professional servants of the public who cause that harm. So that’s my reason for the next blog entry I will be posting…Which I will post as soon as my own disappointment and disgust in regards to the matter settles to the point of righteous anger. There’s a great verse in the Good Book, that goes something like this, “Be ye angry, and sin ye not”. Couldn’t be put any better than that I say !!!! If you hear about or witness such incidence, you bloody well should be angry, that’s the foundation of what makes us human…
So I’ll come back to you about this matter after I’ve done my bit to warn and protect, and anything I say here, doesn’t jeopardise the work of the good folk who rebuke those public servants. And by the way, I’m not talking about some gossip one hears. I’m talking about verifying what I’ve heard first.
I’M MOVING.
IN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS I’LL BE RETURNING TO CLINICAL PRACTICE, COUNSELOR EDUCATION, AND CLINICAL SUPERVISION
A merry Christmas Indeed
The journey may have been long, perhaps a little harder for most folks…But when my daughter asked me what I wanted for Christmas, the answer was easy…Just you and your brother here…
I gift incomparable. I have fought what I believe is the good fight. That children deserve the right for a meaningful and significant relationship with both parents. I started with 26hrs a month offered around the negotiating table. I was fortunate to be humbly provided by the services of a rare breed. And that is a Family Law Solicitor with integrity, who when I worried about costs, said that she would meet me where I’m at. A Barrister who by his graciousness, integrity, and relief, reminded me that he’d have nothing to do with with if “I wasn’t worth it”.
A long story short, I will have the help I need, and my children will be afforded every right to enjoy their dad. There will be no flight risks, as all doors are guarded, there will be no discourse of Justice for those who might bear false witness before the Crown. I have little doubt that due to a few good people in their professional capacity as officers of the court, will see my name cleared and exhonerated.
And so from a few good friend and a few good men that do the work they do, I remembered that for the first time my Children stood foot into a church, another good man stood at the front and said to me, “Bro you must be absolutely chuffed”. Knowing that we are both larikins, I said Father pump the incense up tonight, there is much thanks to raise to heaven…
And so the night is now quiet. They sleep soundly in there new “triple double + 1 trundle” bunk bed thingy, which with a little help I got pieced together….AND THERE IS PEACE AT LAST IN MY HOUSE AND SOME VERY HAPPY CHILDREN…. And you know what didn’t matter if I lived in in a tent…I know within myself now, that I’d give all to have them well, and happy….doing their best, nothing more nothing less, and room to be themselves
So Merry Christmas to one and all. From Phdbutadhd, aka Dr. CoolDaddy, aka bloody bugged but still standing. PS as usual sorry for no proof reading and typos…too buggered 😉
“Dangerous Solicitor’s” in Family Law
Negotiation “without prejudice” in family law proceedings are usually successful within the first 3 months post separation (yes citation needed but by request please ;-)…..
Anyhow with the full knowledge of the limited success rate of round table negotiations after 9 months of separation, along with confounding factors such as bilingual and bicultural matters, my learned family law specialist and I agreed we had a family law case that might lend itself to success and avoid litigation… Btw this was after we’d been asked for information by way of negotiation between solicitors for both parties, but on top of that still threatening litigation.
My solicitor is trained in collaborative law. A woman of impeccable reputation in the court system, a professional with the integrity to uphold in principle a parsimonious and cost reducing problem solving approach… And a “Burbs lawyer”. On the other hand my the other party had gone with the big “guns”, legal team, big office high overheads slick websight.
So after our “successful” negotiation, when it came time to sign the court documents, my ex-partner is told (hearsay of course), the shared parenting arrangements we’d agreed to are “dangerous”…. Wow that’s a pretty serious allegation. If substantiated by way of investigation, that’s a serious allegation to make about myself, or it’s malpractice….by the way I’ve been vilified once by this lawyer (by which through self-advocacy, I received an apology), and we also received an apology from the principal and owner of this law firm. It also meant that our discussion was a waste of time. Same pattern of behavior with the written correspondence mentioned above.
Here’s the warning :
1. Lawyer’s with a “how long is a piece of string” approach to not telling their clients how much the costs will be.
2. Lawyers that play use classic adversarial ploys to push for litigation
3. Lawyers that apologize AFTER they’ve used a slick but old lawyers trick….
3. Lawyers despite having an extensive legal team, don’t do their homework, and think they will “win” via reputation, how night up the elevator there offices are and how good the view of the inner city is.
4. Meeting a neighbor who used the same lawyers for his matrimonial negotiation, and legal professional himself telling me that this mob are renowned to push for litigation no matter what, because they need at least $40,000 per client to cover their overheads.
So WTF ? Better for me to get in quick and beat them to it because it will,save myself and my children’s asset pool.
Please note I’m not saying that litigation is the norm in my country, except for legal firms like the one representing my ex.
I shoddy Cricket player is often labelled as, “Can’t bat, can’t bowl, can’t field”, if my ex’s solicitor were Cricket Players, we’d have to label them, “Won’t bat, won’t bowl, won’t field”….Unless they are playing for the ashes at Lords.
What does that mean in non-British English? They will do no work unless they are litigating.
So for me it the rare case that litigation is actually cheaper than having to deal with my ex’s lawyers. Mind boggling? Perhaps…do the facts speak forthemselves? Absolutely.
So my advice is 1. “Buyer beware” with big shot legal firms, and 2. Never underestimate the preparation and legal arsenal, I have after 20 months working with my solicitor and other sources of relevant guidance. 3. Always have a surprise strategy that is so legally rigorous, you could write a journal paper for scholarly publication that sets a new precedent.
So the rest will be just brief history. Just a bit more patient…couple of months…oh and The flight risk Hague convents problem I may have mentioned in previous posts.
If your partner is Japanese, have a friendly chat with the Ambassador to your country from Japan. They can sort stuff out for you if you get in early.
Honorus Tiepsum “honor thyself” in all legal matters and trust no one to be anything more than adversarial in approach. Be the system and it will work for you if you have the courage.,.
I just love no.4
At last the time, is at hand. Technically I an’t supposed to be here hehehe. But I’m reading no 4. Justice.222
Sometimes you the right person at the right time, with a kindred spirit and bond that last for a long time.
I was talking with a gentlemen for sometime time now who had been at odds with his son for 35 years. Dad tried everything, legalism, authortarinism, went through horrendous conflicts…statements like “You were never there for me Dad”, ” I’m taking the pills Dad, it’s not depression, I don’t have depression !”, “You just don’t understand me !”….
Over a brew some time ago, he mentioned that his son couldn’t sit still at school and was diagnosed with the “childhood” disorder ADHD in the 90’s. I shared a few things about what we know now about this disability in a “think of it like this” kinda way. I also asked if his son always blamed his environment. He said absolutely.
I said that if in fact ADHD is a disability and instead of ADHD he couldn’t walk without a wheelchair, and if he couldn’t get into the ER because there was no ramp, would it be OK to blame the environment? He said of course that’s an atrocity the physical and social environment has failed him !!! I then asked that when he and his son were at odds in throws of emotional eruption, did he always point his finger at his son for the scuffle? He said of course because…
and then I saw that look when life gone by just changed in a wisp or by sight of a ghost… I saw this Dad just recently. He’d spoken to his son and said I got it all wrong with you, this Doctor guy explained it to me.. you never had depression….he didn’t go any further in explanation… as the tears rolled down this father’s cheeks. His wife was there and she said Dad and junior have never been so close before in their lives. She was amazed ! His son calls almost everyday to see how his Dad is going and they think about each other all the time. There’s something so very privileged to be witness to love through understanding like like that…
And there’s a few more million out there going through the same same thing and not being understood…the classic is oh he’s got mixed anxiety depression, but nothing seems to work… I’m not one for advocacy, I’ll leave that to the Dr Russell Barkley’s of the world, but sometimes your expertise comes into use in quite and satisfying ways by helping just one person you get to know….You just sometimes need a PhD either from the University of Life or some other joint that cost you just as much but in a different currency….
Underwear and the ADHD brain: Star Trek The awakening
Captain ‘s log, Stardate 2013, strange circumstances have occurred with tight fitting Calvin Klein underwear. While the situation was critical, I commended to the crew:
“what’s the time?”
……
“Underwear”
“Mmmmm f€¥ck…..Celvin Klein”
…..
Mmmm roomy. !
Red alert from Engineering!, “Captain, we’ve too much room in the front , and a “Y” anomaly at the back”
“Gusset !”
“aye Captain, ye be right I”d say”. “I’ve just ran the sensor around the rear, and I swear there’s a definite “Time-space Y-anomaly back there!
“Scottie! Reroute gusset to the front immediately!
“Engineering to the bridge!”
” Go ahead Mr. Scott”
“Captain that’s got us out of trouble for now, dunno how much longer she will take it, but you should be feelin a wee bit more support at the front!
“Thank you Mr. Scott, all bits of the Enterprise are now back to normal
“Bones to Jim”
“Yes Bones go ahead.
“Jim! take you’re medication, or I’ll have no other choice but to beam you to Sick-Bay”
“Bones there’s no TP man!
” God damn Jim! I’m a Doctor not an ass wiping nurse maid!
” Captain according to my calculations, human emotion is dis-regulated,
and logic would suggest taking the Doctor’s advice, and finding alternative ass wiping technology”“Acknowledged, Mr. spoke. Set a course for the ensuite toilet galaxy. ”
” Engage warp 9, and have medical stimulant’s replicated there.Captain’s log. We will continue on our current course. James T. Phdbutadhd
“….End of log entry….”
The moment of ice-cream.
Why kids matter. Think quick, think again, no your best nothing more, nothing less…
AN ICE-CREAM MOMENT
JMD's PhD and ADHD 